Another Short Story...

Part I

“How are you feeling today, Yasmine?”

I paused and sighed deeply, tilting my head back in exasperation.

I had experienced a wide range of emotions since our last session, so I didn’t know where to start, but I knew one thing: out of all my emotions, there was one more prevalent and pervasive than the others.

I hesitate, contemplating, how I should say it, because God knows, I’m losing my mind, and my body, highly aware that it’s been deprived, never misses a moment to remind me.

Oh, fuck it. I’ll just say it.

“I’m frustrated!”

Whew. That was a relief.

For context, this was my favorite weekly commitment and the most liberating hour of every Tuesday evening. It’s called “therapy” and here, it’s just me and Valaresha, my therapist turned “best friend.”

Well, kind of…

If she heard me referring to her as my “best friend,” she would gently object, because truthfully, this wasn’t actually that.

She had made her patient-to-provider boundaries very clear in session number one, so there was no room to blur the lines, but the way she knows my life and helps me navigate every nook and cranny makes it feel like a friendship.

“I haven’t had sex in nine, long months, on no volition of my own, and it’s eating me up, Valaresha!”

I was being dramatic, but at the same time, I wasn’t lying.

“Where is he?” I questioned, referring to my man and husband-to-be, who was probably out there, being single and doing what I subconsciously wished for the opportunity to do too.

You see, men with the gift of gab - or girth, if you ask me - tend to have a Rolodex of women, waiting at the snap of their fingers to satisfy their earthly urges. It’s an unspoken, and maybe unfair truth, but I ain’t no fool.

For that reason, I can’t imagine my life partner would be any different. He’s fucking bitches.

I escaped my thoughts and looked up at the screen to find Valaresha, holding back a laugh and pondering her response to me.

The question was rhetorical, obviously, but I knew she had something to offer me, so I paused and waited to communicate her invitation to chime in.

Well,” she said, “have you journaled about it?”

I sighed again. She could not be serious.

“I know it’s not what you want to hear, Yasmine, but we’ve talked about it before. Writing about your emotions and getting them out of your head will help you work through what you’re feeling,” she said.

“Yeah, I’ll consider journaling,” clearly dismissing her suggestion, “but in the short term, I need to find somebody!”

She screamed.

Valaresha was older than me, but she was also young enough to relate, and she never hesitated to help me, a conservative, 28-year-old woman, who has yet to peak, arrive at a conclusion I could own, execute and live with comfortably.

Yasmine, it’s understandable that you are feeling this way. For you, sex is something you’ve identified as a physiological need, so in order for you to feel motivated and fulfilled, this is an area of your life that requires attention. I get that this is often tied to a husband or boyfriend, but how can you explore this area where you are in your life right now?

“I could call my old hoes,” I say jokingly, as I laugh out loud.

She laughed with me, knowing I was half-serious, but also unwilling to judge or deny me the right to decide what was best for me.

Ok, Yasmine, I do just want you to be cognizant of what we’ve been talking about.

I sit up, getting serious about the conversation, when the memory of a meme I’d seen comes to mind clear as day.

It said, “You gon’ keep repeating the same mistakes until you learn your lesson.”

That’s what Valaresha was getting at.

“You’re right. Maybe not that route, but I’m going to figure something out.”

This was the end of our conversation, so she reminded me to journal and told me to have a great rest of the week.

I log off, feeling better about my situation and pulled out my phone to call my real best friend, Lolo.

She was a hoot.

I didn’t know what she had going on, but she’s usually down for a last-minute move.

The phone rings and goes to voicemail.

“Hey Lolo, I’m calling to make plans! Hit me back when you see this. Holla!”

I hang up and put my music on shuffle, when I hear the beat of Lil Kim’s “Big Momma Thang” coming in.

“You got a goin’ on, what, what,” I hear Lil Kim say, awaiting my moment to join in at beat drop.

“I used to be scared of the d***. Now I throw lips to the shit! Handle it, like a real bitch!”

That was the main part I knew, but my living room performance, mirroring that of the Mary J Blige two-step jump, would’ve wooed the crowd. I know it would, however I was no Lil Kim.

I admired her contributions to womanhood though.

The music suddenly stops, when I hear a vibration. It’s Lolo, calling me back.

I pick up, “Yo!”

She responded, “Yo Yo, babyyyyyyy!”

We laugh in the guilty pleasure of frat bro greetings, as I tee up the reason I called.

“Are we outside tonight?”

She responded, “I’m game for it!”

Lolo was always down for the cause. That was my homie. We had been besties since knee high and had made it through all the stages of friendship that could ever make us want to walk away from the sisterhood. She was my family.

“Ok,” I say back to her. “Let’s go to Pasha and meet around 7:30pm.”

We aligned on the details before hanging up to get dressed.

It was a quarter til 6, so I had roughly an hour and half to get myelf together.

I turned on the shower, stepped in and started scrubbing suds, when I hear the music stop again.

I peak out of the side of the shower curtain to see who’s calling, when I gasp at the name, coming across my caller ID.

“Is this forreal?” I think to myself.

By now, the phone has already rung a couple of times, so I hop out of the shower barely able to dry my hands before pressing the green button.

I wait to gather my breath before answering in disbelief.

“Drae?”

“Hey. What’s up, baby girl?”

To be continued…

The Baddest: A Guide To Trina Songs When You Feel...

I tweeted this a while ago, but I thought it would be better to put it here. Plus, nobody follows me on Twitter so..bloop.

Anyway, I went through a stage where I was truly a Trina STAN, and even now, I still love these songs.

For purposes of this post, I’ve included a number of Trina songs that have particularly given me the words, when I didn’t have them and an ally, when I needed someone who understands how it feels to go through it(whatever “it” is…there’s a song for it, trust).

Single Again

I don’t even feel like I have to say it, but every girl out there knows this was the anthem for all breakups. I mean, I couldn’t wait to put this song on my Myspace page, whenever it went down. Half of the time I was heartbroken on the inside, but when the beat drops, and the voice of Katrina, saying “I’M BACK! I’M BACK!” came on, I became an empowered woman.

“YOU KNOW HOW THEY DO, HOW THEY ACT! *laughs in obnoxious black woman* Because, me, singing along.

I Want It All

“When you invested in a dummy, and now you need reparations.” Honestly, I think I summed it up perfectly, so we can move on to the next. lol

That’s My Attitude

When you snap back into yourself and realize you the sh*t and don't gaf bout nothing...but your check (play this if you need a real pick me up lol). Disclaimer: I do NOT condone talking to anybody’s man or comparing yourself to other people, so just skip those two parts. lol

Always

Perfect for when you're in love and he loves you back. lol I remember when I really felt these words. If you got a man, and you love him, sing this to him sis.

U & Me

A track dedicated to your old best friends that couldn't go with ya or YOURSELF because you realize you need to get your life in order ASAP. Do not get hung up on the specific words. This track is about struggle. Fake love, loyalty to the wrong people, mistakes you make trying to figure life out, etc.

Shawty Say

I saw a really disturbing post on my Facebook today, and I was in disbelief that someone could relate to something so foul and degrading. That said, if you feel where Trina is coming from on this track, just leave sis. lol.

Still Da Baddest

This song is just…a MOOD. Top 4 “sing a long” quotes go like this:

• “I will NOT lose.”

• “B-A-D I’m bad to the bone”

• “I’m still da baddest, ain’t anotha I’m da baddest”

• “I’m equivalent to NONE”

Disclaimer: I’m not saying the lyrics aren’t problematic…however, 9/10 is good vibes, good vibes.

Leave your favorite Trina track in the Comments!

Spottie Talks Wakanda on the BeaverTalk Podcast

Hey Ya'll!

Long time no see.. 

I don't want to hold you for too long, so I'll get right to it.

Remember that one time I made an appearance on a Podcast? No?

That's probably, because I did it and never gave anyone the link. 

Oops

Yeah. That's my bad, but I'm finally ready to share it with you guys, and - though it's technically been out in the podcast universe for months - what better place for me to do so personally than right here on spottieottieblackgirl.com?

Right.

So boom,  I was featured on a super cool podcast named BeaverTalk hosted by feminists and film moguls, Erin Bagwell and Diana Matthews. Releasing a new podcast weekly for "Feminist Wednesday," the makers of this show pride themselves on offering Hollywood unsolicited advice on all things television and film, including "the glorious, the misogynistic and the groundbreaking." 

For one "Feminist Wednesday" in February, I was invited to come on to chat about the hit Marvel movie , Black Panther, shortly after it was released. Of course, I had thoughts, and since I always wanted to do an audio show, I jumped at the opportunity to share my perspective. 

That said, click the play button below to hear what I had to say! Don't forget to leave a comment!

Black Panther with Toi Banks

BeaverTalk

@Beavertalk, thank you for having me!